Trust me you.

Within the past few weeks, I have made some pretty hefty decisions about my future- as in the garden clippings, no-rip, black Hefty garbage bag kind of decisions.

1. I'm moving out (finally!). No matter what.

I have already come to grips that I am going to be poor for the rest of my life- I work in the arts. I have postponed doing it for a long while now because, despite it being a humble amount, I like having money in the bank- not living paycheck to paycheck. However, I'm a little tired of playing it safe and I'm going to start doing exactly what I was trying to avoid for so long. If for nothing else, I'm very prideful and hate the fact that I am 25 and still sleep on a twin bed (although, VERY comfortable) in my parents' house.

 2. I'm taking a French class. Qui Qui.

I need foreign language credits for graduate school, so I have started taking them early. This is my first active step in "applying" for grad school. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I hate it- it is only my first few weeks.However, this is not going to be an easy class and it has already caused quite a few headaches; not to mention it sucked a bunch of much needed money out of my humble aforementioned bank account. I'm just saying it better be worth it.

3. Some day, I will live in Santa Barbara, CA.

I would LOVE to be a doctorate student at UCSB. "Feminist art history and gender studies, text-image relationships, art theory, technology and art, the epistemology of collecting and displaying objects, the study of urbanism and the cultural landscape are some noteworthy faculty interests."- I want to work with those people.

4. I fell in love. J'adore.
Honestly, it was a long time coming. Like, maybe 13 years coming, but you can't rush these things, right? You all would like him 'cause he's wonderful. And, yes, saying "I love you" in French does sounds so much more romantic.

Nothing is set in stone, yet, nor will some of these decisions be implemented in the near coming future. However, a late night conversation [after a few adult drinks] with my lovely friend, Elise, caused an epiphany: I trust myself.


This sounds weird to say write. 


I trust myself to make the right decisions for me and to not worry about others or compare myself to other people. I'm not sure how, but uttering that simple affirmation has lit a fire in me and I am very happy with who I am. I have set attainable goals and I know I will accomplish those goals in good time. I trust in my future and I trust myself in love.
That feels pretty dang good. 


During this same inebriated conversation with my supportive confidant (held in a bar bathroom, no less), I set another VERY DISTANT goal: If nothing else, I will teach my future children to do the same- to trust their self. Besides teaching them how to love, I feel this is the most important thing I could ever teach my children. 


Well, that and how to share.
And to always say "please" and "thank you".

So, despite the fact that I want to get the Hell of out of your house, THANK YOU, Mom and Dad. 
You're the best. Je vous amiez.